Friday, August 29, 2008


Insecurity is like a parasite that lives in my throat. It keeps me from having a voice, from speaking clearly, or from speaking at all. It makes my mouth stiff when I talk, making me even more aware of myself. It is causing me to resist even writing this post.

Finding a social group seems impossible when you can barely speak to people. I don't hate people. It would be easier to hate them. I fear them. I fear making a fool of myself. I fear being an awkward mess. I feel really lonely sometimes because of fear, and I hate that. I resent myself for being this way. I rarely find people (actual people anyways) that I feel like I can connect with, that have similar values, and opinions that I have. I am very fortunate to have found a mate that I can connect with, otherwise I'd feel totally alone.

I'm sure that everyone feels this way sometimes.