Sunday, January 5, 2014

Hope in the face of dissapointment (TLDR at end)

I have, for a very long time, wanted to become a mother.  I have a baby plan. I have been checking things off of this list systematically for at least three years.  My husband, to my frustration, has a baby plan of his own, which has more requirements to check then my own.

I thought that as I approached 30 years old, the more realistic parenthood would become.

Then, in the wake of extraordinary work stress late last year, I started bleeding..a lot. Lady Bleeding sucks, so I sought professional advise. This lead to an ultrasound, which discovered a fibroid the size of a three month pregnancy.  I like to call it a monstroid. This was actually a fortunate discovery provoked by lots of stress, as my lady times have since returned to normal. 

I will begin Lupron within this coming week, and will undergo induced temporary menopause to shrink my monstroid.  In three to six months I will have surgery to remove it. 

I give zero shits about the symptoms of Lupron and the side effects of surgery.  What I give shits about is the potential complication of a hysterectomy. I am doing my best to prepare myself for this complication, but infertility could be the largest disappointment of my life.

Honestly, I'm in denial. Which could be interpreted as hope. Hope, wishful thinking, I'm not entirely sure of the difference anymore. What I know is that this event will shape my life forever.  Either way I plan to become a Mother, but my path to motherhood has already become different from what I imagined because of my condition. 

Life happens, and this is one speed bump among many. I never anticipated this, but will have to deal with it.  Such is life, and I hope that I will become a more enlightened parent as a result.

TLDR: I have a fibroid. I may have trouble getting pregnant. Such is life.