Yummy Tummy 1wk Post Myomectomy (NSFW)

I went back to work 10days after surgery with medium difficulty.  I pulled off my steristrips on Sat. because i basically froze them off with cool packs (and I was slightly intoxicated...they were basically ok to remove anyways..)

By today (13 days post op) I had medium pain..

But I doubled down.  Tuesday, I decided pet dished needed to be cleansed.  I missed a step, and sprained my ankle.  Dustin heard me fall and freaked.   (To be continued)

Recovery: Week One

TLDR at bottom. 

Day 1 (Day of surgery):
Arrived at the Lakeside at 7:30AM, signed in and paid.
-Called back to presurgical area. Put on my Bear Hug garment. IV Started, easy peas.  Saline and antibiotics only. Very worried for a good hour prior to surgery, so I didn't say much.  Everybody thought I was drugged already, but I was really dazed from anxiety. 
-Rolled into the operating room. It was cold, but I was having my morning sweats, so it felt so good. The last thing I remember was my anesthesiologist telling me I should be feeling something. 
-The next thing I remember was waking up. I was so sleepy, and my knee jerk request was for coffee.  I was in and out all day, and my family was in my room, and I felt left out. So I asked for coffee all day, and all I got was a nope and a giggle every time. I got IV pain meds all day, and didn't feel pain for the most part, day one.
-I was awake that evening when my night nurse check on me. Surprise! She was Staci Driskill Maloney! At first I felt weird that she was going to see me in a pretty vulnerable state, but she was so professional, and nurturing.  Best nurse ever!
-The next morning I had my catheter out. That sucked for about ten seconds. Especially since it meant I had to get out of bed to pee afterwards. 

Day 2-
-New nurse checked on me, and tells me that Dr. Nelsen usually does her rounds midmorning.  Okey dokey. 
-Dustin gets a call that Lola needs to be picked up soon, so leaves to pick her up. Parents should be there soon. 
- Doze for awhile, and then Dr. Nelsen comes in and tells me that my blood count is great.....And also that my insurance company only approved my stay for one day. All alone, and freaking out.  Later my dad tells me that I was only admitted under 24hr observation, as opposed to being properly admitted to the hospital, meaning I could only stay until 1ish in the afternoon.  

- So I'm released to go home. I go to Braums on the way home! Because I'm a bauss!! And also to CVS to get my pain meds.  

-I sleep on and off for the following evening. Matthew stays the night, and he and Dustin take great care of me.  

Day 3,4:
Housework, dishes and laundry. Too much of it, out of boredom. Regrets later.

Day 5:
So. Much. Pain. Sleep all day. 

Day 6: Another rest day.

Day 7: Went to Guardians of the Galaxy at night. Fun, but uncomfortable. Popcorn for dinner.

Day 8: Went to my momma's house. We had so much fun  watching reality show smut! Love it! Mild to moderate pain.

Day 9: Petsmart and Earls BBQ. Also, Guardians of the Galaxy on IMAX 3D. 

Day 10: Rest. Plan on working monday. 

TLDR:  Surgery; surprise early release; 2 hard busy days; 2 resty days; weekend activities.  Sunday rest. 

Also, no pictures of fibroid yet, for those interested.

The Lady's Having Surgery

Since my last post, I have undergone Lupron treatment for about seven months.  It has actually been great. I have suffered from PMDD and excruciating lady cycles since about my freshman year in college, and after starting Lupron I have been "cured", temporarily.  Hot flashes and mental fog are easy peas compared (que self pity)to the severe depression and pain two weeks out of the month.  Poor Christyna.

(Side note: PMDD is a real thing, I promise. The only times I have wanted to SELF INJURE/KILL MYSELF have been directly associated with the late luteal phase of my lady cycle. For several years, this was my normal. It was some seriously dark shit.

I'm having surgery in three days to remove my fibraby.  I will post pictures for those with strong stomachs. That's the part that I'm excited about; seeing the thing I had been growing in my Lady Womb for however many years. I'm the type of person who frequents   The part I'm no excited about is preop, post op, recovery. Pain. Yuck. No me gusta.

I have been Googling "preoperative anxiety", and I'm "moderate", which is totally normal. What? It's totally normal to not be able to sleep very well and have anxiety prior to surgery? Booooooo. I thought my "suffering" all extraordinary 'n shit.  It is not.

I'm still kinda in denial, but I will update my vast audience during my down time. I promise to include all the GORY DETAILS.  Waht waht!!

You know you want to see the gross stuff! I won't disappoint!




Side Note: 
 HORMONES CAN MAKE PEOPLE HURT. IF A FRIEND IS BRAVE ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THEY HAVE PMDD, DON'T FUCKING BLOW THEM OFF! PMDD IS NOT PMS. IT IS HORRIBLE. IT CAN BE VERY MENTALLY PAINFUL, MAKING A PERSON WANT TO KILL/HURT THEMSELVES.  PLEASE TAKE YOUR LOVED ONE SERIOUSLY.

Hope in the face of dissapointment (TLDR at end)

I have, for a very long time, wanted to become a mother.  I have a baby plan. I have been checking things off of this list systematically for at least three years.  My husband, to my frustration, has a baby plan of his own, which has more requirements to check then my own.

I thought that as I approached 30 years old, the more realistic parenthood would become.

Then, in the wake of extraordinary work stress late last year, I started bleeding..a lot. Lady Bleeding sucks, so I sought professional advise. This lead to an ultrasound, which discovered a fibroid the size of a three month pregnancy.  I like to call it a monstroid. This was actually a fortunate discovery provoked by lots of stress, as my lady times have since returned to normal. 

I will begin Lupron within this coming week, and will undergo induced temporary menopause to shrink my monstroid.  In three to six months I will have surgery to remove it. 

I give zero shits about the symptoms of Lupron and the side effects of surgery.  What I give shits about is the potential complication of a hysterectomy. I am doing my best to prepare myself for this complication, but infertility could be the largest disappointment of my life.

Honestly, I'm in denial. Which could be interpreted as hope. Hope, wishful thinking, I'm not entirely sure of the difference anymore. What I know is that this event will shape my life forever.  Either way I plan to become a Mother, but my path to motherhood has already become different from what I imagined because of my condition. 

Life happens, and this is one speed bump among many. I never anticipated this, but will have to deal with it.  Such is life, and I hope that I will become a more enlightened parent as a result.

TLDR: I have a fibroid. I may have trouble getting pregnant. Such is life. 

September 11, 2001 was different for me...

The terrorist attack was a distraction, honestly, from what was happening to my family. It was something to think talk about so we didn't have to talk about the impending tragedy that was was looming over us personally...


I remember spending my sixteenth birthday in a hospital. Less than a month later we (my sister,brother, and I) were pulled out of school.. I had been watching the national calamity all day during classes... we talked about the attack as a friend of the family drove us to OKC from Ponca City...

Our mom almost died that day... we said goodbye even... that shit was real... probably the most painful thing we'd ever been through or have dealt with since..

Ironically, the September 11 tragedy gave us something to discuss besides our own personal anguish..which was,sadly, somewhat of a relief.

So thats my 9/11 memory

Gluten Free

Duder and I are doing an experiment.  For the past couple years Dustin has had some pretty serious digestive issues.  I've suspected for a while that he was suffering from Celiac Disease, since he's experienced other symptoms of the disease, including a rash on his torso that appeared about a year ago, when we were still working nights, that we lovingly referred to as his "dragon scales".  Fortunately,  with a combination of sunshine and keeping it moisturized it disappeared after about six months.  So, about a week ago we started an experiment to see if gluten was causing his troubles.  

He's had a little improvement, but it has been hard to cut it out completely.  Fast food,  which we had been turning to a lot since our move,   is now almost completely out of the question.  Also, wheat is a sneaky ingredient in a lot of processed foods.  Two days ago I made Rotel Cheese Dip (which so bad for you anyways) and as I was cleaning up, read the back of the "Cream of Mushroom" Soup. The second ingredient: Wheat Flour.  Stupidly, I hadn't read the label before I made it, otherwise I would have left it out.  

It's hard on him because so many of his favorite foods are wheat based.  Specifically, pizza.  So, yesterday, I made my first attempt at gluten free pizza crust.  Since buying all the different flours to make gluten free doughs is a pain in the ass, and since I'm pretty inexperienced at gluten free baking, I opted to go with a mix.  Bob's Red Mill has a great line of gluten free products, including cake mix, brownie mix, and all purpose flour.  We used our new George Forman Grill, with a baking cooking plate, which is awesome.  I made cheese pizza with mexican cheese,  and it was pretty awesome.  

Today was his birthday,  so I made a gluten free birthday dinner: Steak (salmon for me), garlic mashed potatoes, ceasar salad, and gluten free corn bread (Bob's Red Mill again!)  It all turned out pretty well.  

Slowly, we're getting better at excluding gluten from our diet.  I really hope it gives him some relief.  

How Getting Kicked Out of My House Made My Life So Much Better

So, our lives have basically been turned upside-down in the past three weeks.  Fortunately,  everything worked out for the best, and we are much, much better off.

It all started with an unkept lawn.  This was a result of a series of mishaps; first Dustin's John Deere lawn mower broke,  then my dad's lawn mower broke,  leaving Dustin to mow 2.3 acres with a twenty year old push mower.  Despite his best efforts,  the lawn got out of control, and the "rental house" that we were working on did not get finished in the time that we were supposed to get it done.  This was partly because Dustin did not want to ask for any help, and partly because we had neither the experience nor the money to fix the rental house.  So, the owner of the property, who shall remain unnamed (as she is closely related to us), and who was graciously allowing us to live there free of charge, found a potential renter for the other house on the property.  So, (from what I can gather),  she brought that potential renter onto the property, to find the place quite a mess.  This is our fault (mostly).  In our defense,  we were doing the best we could with the resources we had, and we had lived most of the summer (the hottest in recent history) without air conditioning.  The truth is, that when we moved onto the property, we were completely unprepared to deal with the many problems that were to befall as, and, as a result, were eventually completely overwhelmed with even the day to day upkeep of the place.

This event initiated a series of inappropriate, hateful text messages from the above mentioned party.  These were likely fueled by a combination of justified frustration, and alcohol;  nonetheless, they were  inappropriately hostile, critical, and hurtful (not to mention incoherent).  I would also like to mention, that this hatefulness was returned by neither Dustin, nor myself, and that my best efforts at reasonable discourse were met with incoherent insults, and attacks unrelated to the issue.  Eventually, we were essentially told to "get the hell out."

So, we "got the hell out." The next day, I took off work, we scrambled together as much money as we could muster, and we found an apartment in town. Since "she" was out of town, we had a week to move all our stuff into the apartment, into storage, into the trash, and to Goodwill, before she got back, which we did.

Here's the fucking kicker though.  By the middle of that week, Dustin had made nice with her, and she asked him if he would help one of her employees mow the lawn.  Dustin agreed, and they cleaned up the yard, while I continued to get our stuff out of the houses.  At the end of the day, Dustin gets a call, and she's asking how nice the yard is (like she's doing us a big favor) and thanking him for helping.  Dustin then say's (and I'm paraphrasing) "ya, I think we're going back to our apartment now and rest"...."What, you mean the other trailer"..."no,  like my apartment, in town"..."You did what? You moved?!"  She either didn't really think we would follow through with it, or forgot she had kicked us out!

Other than the drama that had ensued,  moving into an apartment was bitter sweet.  On one hand, we really liked living close to the outdoors, being able to look out of our windows in the morning at the trees and the birds.  On the other hand, the "house" we were living in had no proper air conditioning, other than a window unit that cooled the main room of the house, which we had moved our bed into so we didn't melt at night.  It was old, always dirty(despite my best efforts), unfinished, and still has black mold lingering about(but, hey, it was free, right?). Not to mention the weight of the tasks at hand had really been constantly weighing on us, and had created a lot of anxiety for both Dustin and myself.  The apartment we moved to is so much easier to keep clean, there is little to no maintenance, which is good since I need to focus on school, and Dustin needs to focus on getting a job.  And, the best part is that we have been severed from the responsibility of preparing and renting the property we were living on, which is a bigger job than I think she realizes that it's going to be.  It has been an incredibly liberating, and educational experience.

I am so relieved that it is over, and more excited about our future than ever!

For better or worse...

... can be complicated sometimes, but it is absolutely worth it!

I feel like a kid, waiting for Christmas morning, except i hope Santa doesn't come...

News!

After I graduate in the Fall...hopefully graduate that is... Dustin and I are planning on moving to Tulsa!!!!

I will be heading up the Optilean program up there, teaching classes, consulting patients, etc.  And until that gets off the ground, I will be doing stuff for Fedcare, and other workers comp stuff up there!

So excited!

Home Sweet Home

Today tastes like a Golden Delicious Apple, straight out of the fridge. Cold, crisp, juicy.

Spring Break

Nothing kicks off a blog entry like a cat picture!

Spring Break comes just in time every year. Just when you think that if you have to write another goddamn paper, or take one more motherfucking test, your going to driver you're car off a cliff, Spring Break comes to the rescue! This year we will be headed back to North Carolina to spend time with my sister! Yay!

The long, cold winter was cruel and unrelenting, but cool spring showers are coming to wash away the bitter chill. : ) Unfortunately, in Oklahoma, we celebrate spring with tornadoes! And I live in a mobile home, uh oh! Thunder and rain and tornadoes, oh my!

My new blog flavor of the week is Unhappy Hipsters. : ) Nothing starts my day off like a shot of cool wit.

So, I got drunk last night, and started a twitter. It's kind of lame so far. I guess it's up to me to make it interesting huh. If anyone reads this, and has a twitter, friend me, or whatever it is on twitter. The only people I have found so far are my mom, and mother in law.

Winter

Me during most of the ice storm

The cold, crappy weather is bringing me down. I'm even more introverted than usual....

Oh sun, come out and warm this lonely heart.

"Operation Get My Shit Together" is back on track. The ice storm was a nice vacation, but getting back on top of my shit has been a challenge. During the ice storm we basically just watched movies and hardlined jager till we passed out.

Did we really finish the jager. Damn.

It was pretty awesome. But now I'm slowly getting back to my routines. The house is finally clean, homework done. Life is good. I need to crawl out of my comfortable shell and start socializing, but I haven't really felt like it. It's alot of work, and I'm tired (lazy).

Lovely Lady

My dear Aunt JoAnn passed away last Thursday evening. She was found Tuesday morning by her son, Bryan. She had had a heart attack, and had passed away quickly.

This week has been exceptionly trying for my mom. My heart breaks for her, because if my sister died, it would be devastating.

At the "visitation" (which is what they had instead of a wake) and her funeral, they showed a slide show of pictures from her life... and she was fucking fabulous.
These aren't very good pictures of her, but do you see that freaking beehive!

She had great taste, and was very very creative.

Her death was really sudden, and everybody is extremely saddened by her death. We are all going to miss her presence in our lives.

Anxious

Ego, from the Marvel Universe

Today I am reminding myself that my anxiety stems from my ego's sense of loss of control. It doesn't realize that it has no real control over anything. This is helping ease my tension over a number of stressors that I am experiencing today, mainly my car falling apart at the seams.

I love my car. I love it so much. I haven't taken as good of care of it as it has taken of me, and now it is falling apart. The other day Dustin accidently ran it into a curb, really really hard, and broke one of my new rims, and a tire. I am still in the process of forgiving him for this. He replaced both the tire and the rim, but the darn thing is pulling to the right about 30 degrees, which I hope just means that it needs a realinement. Also, the door hing on the passenger side is shot, and refused to latch this morning as I was getting out at school. I told Dustin that he would have to deal with it, since I was getting later for class. I still am not sure what happened to it. I really want to fix it, but sadly that would require money, that we do not have currently.

Dustin's family issues are escalating again, and he is in kind of a bad place right now. My heart is breaking for him, as he watches his parents grow apart. We have sort of avoided the whole situation, and it seemed like it was getting better and easier, so we have been trying to reconnect, but it is hard since everything is still in limbo. The whole thing is really hard on him.

So, I don't really have any control over anything. I don't have control of my car or Dustin's family situation, or any of the other problems we might run into. I am reminding myself to acknowledge and witness my fear of not having control over anything, without judging myself for having the feelings that I am experiencing, so that I can transform my fear into love, which I have learned is the opposite of fear.

Or something spiritual like that : ).

Tick Tock Tick Tock

I've notice that I've passed through a couple phases in the past few months. Particularly, having a baby. For a while, I really wanted one. I go through this every couple years or so. This summer, as I was adjusting to the fact that my sister wasn't within close reach, I really really wanted a sweet little baby to ease my discomfort. I still experience a little bit of euphoria when I think about how a sweet smelling little newborn baby would feel in my arms. However, Dustin and I are in real and true poverty. We are on our way to a good lifestyle, suitable for raising a child. I realize that there are many thing that I still want to experience before I have to dedicate myself the the raising of a child. Still, there is this nagging maternal instinct, that make me want to be pregnant, and makes me want to have a sweet little baby.
I don't fucking know what I'm going to be when I grow up, though. I'm not even close to being mature enough to have a baby. It sucks, but is good that I'm not just jumping in to mommyhood. Still though, I've started taking Flinstones, and started avoiding plastics. Mommyhood is upon me, but not quite yet.
I've had some bad dreams, though. I had this dream twice in a row. I'm making eggs, and I go for the eggs in our fridge. I open the box, and the eggs, look like they're cracked and black. I pick out the least bad looking egg, crack it open into the skillet, and the yolk is black.
This dream could refer to the fact that I'm paranoid about losing my fertility early, since my mom went through menopause when she was forty. Her mom and my dad's mom were both having each of them when they were forty. What if I fucking lost my ability to lose children by the time I'm forty. It's a fucked up thing to worried about. I want to have children. I want to be a mommy.
I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want to do. I'm to busy getting fucked up to be a grown up, or a mommy, or whatever. Maybe when I quite getting drunk every night, I'll be allowed to have a baby. Or maybe when I graduate. Whatever. My womb is a desert anyways.

Kindof really fucked up...

So, this has been an awesome weekend. Blink 182, Weezer, and Okstate have made this weekend really great. I'm back on Releana, and i'm on my last loading day, which means i'm getting totally wasted on the rest of our liquor, which also means i'm blogging.

It's been such a great weekend, and it's only half over. I've lost a pound, without trying, and I'm drunk. It's a win win weekend.

Pobre OU, lost to BYU. Its their own fault for going into the season so cocky. Sam Bradford is injured..maybe he should have just entered the NFL, and made a million dollars. Ooops.

Woohoo, it our tiiiiimmmmee to sshhiiinneee. dooodooooodooodoo. Titan AE theme song pops in my head.

I love OSU. Despite a lifetime of making fun of school pride, I am full of it. I love the school i go to, and i think that we going to do great this year.!!!

On a different note, we will hopefully be attending the "Deathklok" concert in Tulsa. It will be pretty Metal. Yeah, whooo...

Great semester so far, nothing much but my own nerosis to deal with...woooooooo

Give Us This Day Our Daily Red Bull

Seriously. It's better than Smack.

New Painting

I just finished my first real painting in like four years.

It's called "Silver Lining".

Will post soon.

We're All Magical...

This is a Narwhal. It is a real creature, which is awesome.